Divorced Dating

When you finally break free of the shackles of an unloving spouse, and all the baggage that gets thrown back and forth during the divorce proceedings, then you might think it's time to get out there and start dating again. However, it's not always that simple, especially when you are only fresh out of a marriage. Jumping right back into the dating scene is not just bad for your sake, but a whole slew of other people, too.

It's never a good idea to let a failed marriage completely ruin and take over your life after a divorce, but jumping the gun is not much of an alternative either. Taking the time to let the wounds heal before gunning for another soul mate will prevent you from hitting the skids yet again, and might even be therapeutic. Letting go of your excess baggage from your last relationship can be your key to finding love once again.

You Are Not Alone

Depending how long you've been married before you went through a divorce, the chances are that the wound healing process will take longer than you might think. You will suddenly wake up every morning without your supposed life partner to a lonely, desolated morning, possibly chipping away at your self-esteem and confidence in the process.

The creeping loneliness is not the only thing you might feel when you are fresh out of a divorce. While a more promiscuous divorcee will have no problem searching for love or a one-night stand right after a bad marriage, most will often feel that the well of wanting singles has dried up. Who wants to get together with a person who has failed at marriage, anyway?

A notion like this couldn't possibly be further from the truth. While the U.S. Census Bureau states that nearly a half of first marriages will end in a nasty divorce, the statistics also have another side to the coin. There are more people just like you than you might think, and all you really need to do is open your eyes and search.

Am I Ready?

While there is plenty of fish in the sea for you to pick from, rebounding into a brand new relationship too soon will most likely leave you in shambles. Desperation should not be a reason to jump right into a new relationship, no matter how much you sugar it up; you'll just have to put your current problems at ease, first.

It's normal for a person to experience a vast palette of emotional and psychological problems right after a divorce, so the first thing you should do is to get those sorted out. A support group that consists of your closest friends or family members will do wonders, while a trip to a therapist might be advisable for more severe cases.

Another way you can prepare to re-enter the dating circuit as healthy as possible is finding something new to keep you busy. Getting your mind off the things that bog you down will also do wonders for your mental health and general livelihood, especially if you choose to do something creative or an activity that allows you to exercise.

Think of the Children!

Of course, divorced dating can only mean so much for your kids. If you have been named as the custodian of your children after the divorce proceedings, then know that can be especially confusing and difficult for kids to adapt to the people you plan to date. Children can feel anxious, and even responsible at times, for the divorce in the first place.

It is certainly not unheard of for a child to hold on to the belief that their mom and dad will, one day, get back together again. Your child's very identity is tied to the family, the parents most especially. When this seemingly tight knot comes undone, a child can feel threatened, because of his strong belief in both you and your former spouse.

Younger children may not initially understand what it means for parents to divorce, but older children might respond better if you sit and talk to them. It will be normal for even mature children to outright reject your decision to move on, but they will eventually have to as well. It's not always fair to the kids, but life never is.

You're not Dead, Your Marriage Is

Just because life isn't fair doesn't mean you should go beating yourself or your kids up, both literally and figuratively. While life isn't fair, much of it is, in fact, beautiful. Like all great things, it will take a whole lot of effort on your part to discover the next chapter of your life, which takes place after your divorce.

After you have given yourself time to let go of all of your anger, resentment, and self-loathing, you can finally get on with your life. Even if you are particularly older than other daters, your chances of finding another life partner are not all that different than a person younger than you are.

Your marriage may be a big, flaming wreck, but you made it out alive and well. You might be a little worse for the wear, but the good news is that you can make a full recovery! Divorced dating might not get you the love of your life on the first try, but it will be a start to a brave new chapter of the life you have ahead of you.